


Don't Go

by Azz1an



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort No Hurt, Courtship, Flirting, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Implied Relationships, M/M, Mighty Nein as Family, Nott & Caleb Widogast Friendship, Pre-Relationship, Protective Nott (Critical Role), Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Short One Shot, Spells & Enchantments, Studying, Teasing, Touch-Starved Caleb Widogast, Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23652445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azz1an/pseuds/Azz1an
Summary: Essek and Caleb spend some time working on a spell as an excuse to spend time with each other instead...only to get interrupted by Nott.OrEssek intimately does cute things to distract Caleb from the spell while he internally worries about their relationship.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 160





	Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> Might turn this into a series, might not *shrugs* just had to post this short story that I had for a while

" _ Scheiße. _ "

"Easy now, don't let your frustration cloud you."

Caleb takes a deep breath through his nose, letting the anger brewing up inside of him slowly fade away. For a few minutes Essek watches the human wizard prepare a new spell for the 10th time again. They've been going at this for almost 4 hours now. Despite Essek suggesting a quick break, Caleb insisted on continuing until he had at least a loose grasp of controlling the spell. 

That was 2 hours ago.

Essek wouldn't like to admit it but Caleb can be  _ very  _ convincing when he wants to be. Just a simple look in his eye could make the drow do anything as he pleases...with reasonable desires of course. Out of all the people that The Shadowhand could humble himself down upon too, it was a small human wizard from the Empire.

Still, that doesn't mean he isn't still worried about their relationship from time to time. Within the 5 weeks of being in an official relationship has been...slightly awkward to say at least. Sure, they shared a few kisses on the cheek here and there in private but never an _actual_ kiss. Doubt sometimes clouds his judgement whenever it was a good idea to agree with this type of partnership in the first place. Either one are too busy to deal with the awkwardness of their stage in the newly formed relationship at the moment. That was his excuse for why most days they seem to be not “moving forward” more as social human customs seemed to be.

Essek doubts that Caleb would've returned the same feelings if he didn’t want this in the first place, but that doesn’t stop him from wondering if this was just a game to the wizard.

These last few days have been getting more hectic with the war seemingly on the verge of ending. The Queen has seemed to be wanting updates every hour or so, leaving no time for anyone in the palace to rest in the dynasty. 

This also doesn't help with the Bright Queen suspicions of him becoming rather too  _ fondly _ over his strange friends. The thought of the idea about rumors escaping about the Shadowhand's attachment to the Might Nien is concerning. Even more so if it turns towards a certain a  _ human _ wizard to be exact. That’s why both of them agreed to keep the relationship thing close and private. The thought of the people learning about this new form of acquaintance would surely cause an uproar in the Dynasty. His den would most likely kick him out or (if merciful) shun him for the rest of his life in this one and a few more consecuted lives after. They would despise him for what he's done and what they would consider imprinting a dark spot on his name. 

And yet despite all of the risks and credibility being on the line, if he were to be stripped by his position tomorrow, Essek wouldn't care at all. 

He won't be alone this time, the Mighty Nien has his back till the very end now. This newly founded family that Essek discovered was addicting. He doesn't remember the last time a group of strangers had given him any compassion or love, much less forgiveness over something that caused millions of lives. 

It was terrifying to feel like this towards a bunch of strangers. It almost seemed like it was yesterday when the incident at the party happened. Essek could remember the guilt clawing up his throat when his eyes first landed on the peculiar group when they first arrived on the ship. He hadn't planned to bring them into this mess. It was only then when he realized how much they meant to him. How so grateful he was for them to at least give him a second chance of redemption. They had been so nice to him the moment they returned the beacon back that he stole.

"Try again.” 

Caleb gives a small nod, closing his eyes before muttering something under his breath in Zemenian. Essek couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, causing Caleb to glare at him after taking a deep breath. It was adorable to see him struggle over something that seemed very easy to master in his life. “What?” A splash of red appears on the wizard’s cheeks. He looks as if he’s not sure to throw a fire spell or shyly look away at Essek’s smug face. 

“Nothing.” The drow leans back on his chair with a shrug, finding it amusing to watch his companion get flustered over the smallest things. It’s not that Essek was shy to make the first move or anything. He just doesn’t know the boundaries of Caleb Widogast yet. He very much  _ wanted _ to lean towards Caleb and kiss him right then and there, but was Caleb alright with it?

If he knew for sure about where they now stood in this whole relationship thing, he would’ve most definitely kissed the tip of Caleb’s nose just to see how much more he can blush.

Caleb has always been an interesting person to try to decipher. The moment Essek laid eyes on him he knew that the man had a story to tell. At first, it was for curiosity. Wondering why this man was the way he was. How he became who he is today. It was simple, nothing to deal with exploiting them until Caleb admitted of being a scourger. Then it became a duty and after that it slowly became more. The more he studied Caleb, the more he has fallen deeper for him without even knowing. He is fascinated about his personality, of how much he has grown. Essek thought that he knew everything after a year of being with the Mighty Nien. He thought he knew every single member to the point of what they feel when they try to hide something and how they’ll react to a situation. 

That was until Essek started dating Caleb.

Caleb shows more of his  _ true _ self when he’s around those who he seems close to the most. He’s more comfortable with small physical contact like holding hands or leaning against someone's side for comfort. It confused Essek at first, one moment Caleb can be standing right next to him when the others around and then the moment the others are gone he’ll lean by his side, taking his hand for comfort. It took a while to realize that Caleb liked to keep quiet the things he cares about the most. Hiding it away from the world, hoping to keep something so pure and light as long as he possibly can. 

“I think it's rather adorable seeing you get flustered over something so complicated to do.”

“It seemed so simple when you did it…” Caleb mumbled, picking out some small puff balls on his white shirt. 

“That’s because I’ve been learning dumanancy for my entire life, _ chathtiu _ .” Essek’s smile grows soft. “You're only just getting started with the most...ah... _ advanced _ spells in Dumanancy." 

“ _ Cathulu? _ ” 

“ _ Chathtiu _ .” He repeats more slowly, as if he were teaching the word to a childling. “It means ‘Firefly’ in uncommon,  _ Elemmiire chath _ .” 

Caleb bushes, a small smile appearing on his face more as the minutes go by. He looks down again, mumbling words in Zeminian that Essek couldn't catch nor understand, before peaking up behind the curtain of red hair that has fallen in front of his face. 

Essek’s grin reflects the small smile that was given to him in return for the nicknames. His heart flutters at the sight of Caleb’s tensed frame quickly relaxing into a comfortable space. He couldn't help it but feel the honor of having Caleb be comfortable around him, just enough for him to be relaxed and trusted to be taken care of. 

It’s only been recently as well that Essek also discovered his joy in making the wizard smile. From what he knows about Caleb’s past traumatic experiences, the man never feels worthy. No matter what the other’s tell him otherwise. There only been a few times where he had actually seen him laugh, most of them with the Mighty Nien. He hopes that maybe one day, he’ll be part of the reason for his joy as well. 

“I know what you’re trying to do Mr. Theylas.” Caleb briefly looks up, the light pink blush has gotten redder. A shy smile comes across his lips, trying to collect himself but obviously failing. This man was playing with him like a fiddle, it was both entertaining and annoying. 

“Oh? Do tell me.” The Shadowhand leans forward from his seat with a calm collected smile. Close enough to the point where he could count each and every freckle on Caleb’s cheeks, blue eyes instantly locking onto his grey ones. Glancing back and forth from Essek’s face back down to his hands, fiddling his thumbs. “What is it that i’m trying to do Mr. Widogast?” 

For a moment, Caleb sputtered nothing but words of Zemnian and other gibberish that Essek couldn’t catch on. He tried his best to hold off a laugh as Caleb managed to grasp himself together again once more. “You’re...you’re trying to distract me.” He manages to squeak out.

The wizard’s face was a blushing mess at the moment, getting redder to the point of where the freckles on his face started to disappear. He still didn’t seem uncomfortable, which was a good note to place in the back of Essek’s mind. Just very flustered over the sudden change of course from being frustrated by learning this complicated spell to...whatever this is, flirting perhaps?

“Distracting?” Essek pulls back a little, just enough to make sure Caleb doesn’t feel trapped in this flirtatious cycle they’re going on. “I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment,” He gives a sigh, a playful smile on his lips. He gently reaches over to place a hand over Caleb’s twiddling thumbs, they almost immediately stop when he makes contact. “Should I be offended?” 

“No no.” Caleb lightly chuckles, readjusting for a more comfortable position for their hands before weaving his fingers through Essek’s. “ _ Nein _ .” It makes the drow’s heart swell with a sudden rush of affection that he’s never felt before. The blush was slowly dying down on Caleb’s cheeks, almost to the point of the freckles returning to their natural state. “It is a good thing…” His voice turns soft, the room suddenly feels soundless. Caleb brings their joined hands together close to his lips, pressing against Essek’s knuckles with gentle care. “ _ Eine sehr gute Sache. _ ” 

Essek tries to not let out a small puff of air from his breath being quickly cut short. “Well, that is a relief to hear.” He croaks out in return. His voice has also gone soft, his eyes never leading off of the sky blue ones that were reflecting back at him. “I care very much about you Caleb.” It’s at the tip of his tongue but it is too soon to say love, not yet, neither are ready. “I really do.” 

It was as if someone pulled the wrong switch. For a moment, a terrifying minute, Caleb goes silent. The smile flatters from his lips as if he was unsure whether to say it in return just because or that he didn’t feel the same. It causes Essek’s chest to tighten for a moment and this time not in a good way. All doubt that he had resurfaces in his mind. All of insecurities and fears fall into the trap of vulnerability. ‘ _ Maybe I was right, this really was a foolish thing to fall into…’ _ Regret curdles at the pit of his stomach as he starts to let go of Caleb’s grasp. “I...I apologize if that made you uncomfortable.” He goes to pull away, but goes still by Caleb’s hands tightening around his. 

“Wait!” It surprises Essek to see Caleb's immediate reaction portrayed from his actions when he curls his fingers tighter around Essek’s "Wait..." He said more quietly, avoiding eye contact, staring down at their joined hands instead. “I care for you too.” It was barely a whisper when the words escaped Caleb’s lips, coming out so raw and vulnerable, as if he were sharing his most prized secret. "It's just.. _ difficult _ to say it." All of the doubt and anxiety that quickly surged up in anguish at the time was slowly melting away from Essek’s shoulders. Curiosity fills in instead, wondering why Caleb found it difficult to say intimate things. “I wanted to spend time with you on this without the other’s being suspicious of...us.” Caleb gestures towards their hands as a point. 

"Ah, so  _ that's _ why you asked me to teach you a difficult spell."

" _ Ja.." _

Essek watches with patience as Caleb nervously licks his chapped lips, glancing up between his eyes and their hands. ‘I’m just…” His sigh weavers with a light chuckle, trying to clear out the sudden light tension that was brewed in the air. “I don’t feel like I deserve it...and... _ Scheisse  _ I seem to not be very good at this..”

A small chuckle escapes from Essek’s lips while his heart aches for Caleb's opinions of unworthiness. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I am very new to this myself as well.” He feels Caleb nervously rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. Essek traces the joints of Caleb's fingers with his own thumb in an attempt to make him feel at ease. “Nevertheless I should be the one saying that, not you.” 

Confusion crosses Caleb’s features, he opens his mouth to say something until Essek gently presses his forehead against Caleb’s. He doesn’t know why he does it, possibly it was the strange surge of confidence that ran through him. His heart pounds through his ribcage, cautious to take small breaths with each minute. “After all I've done, even when I lied about who I really was…and what I did...” His mouth starts to taste like bale, remembering all of the time at the party, at the boat...they were so kind. “You still gave me a chance to prove myself again, to redeem those past mistakes that caused...all of _ this _ .” His voice flatters causing his eyes to cast down towards anywhere to avoid Caleb’s unexpressed stare. “Even when the other’s had doubts in the beginning, you still believed in me. For that there is no way to repay for your kindness in this lifetime. I am forever in your debt.” 

For a moment everything was quiet. Essek couldn’t help but close his eyes and focus other things around him. He can hear the slight hitches of breath from Caleb as he tries to degust everything that has been said. The warmth of his skin was intense, once in a while he could feel the tip of his nose slightly touching his. Not surprising considering he was a human since their kind seem to be more on the warmer side. 

“You never needed to repay me, Essek…” He allows his eyes open towards bright blue irises. 

“Just…” Caleb pulls their hands closer to his chest, never leaving eye contact. “Please _ , _ don’t think of yourself as undeserving _. _ ” Barely a whisper, it sounded more of a plea than a request. He presses his forehead closer to Essek’s and closes his eyes. Caleb can feel a small hitch of breath from Essek as he tries to pull away to say something to retort. “ _ Please, _ ” Caleb opens his eyes, looking straight back at a lost reflection that he’s seen so many times before. “ _ Just don’t go. _ ” 

A minute passes. “Caleb-”

_ Knock knock knock. “Caleb! Are you in here?”  _

As if a spell was lifted the wizards broke away. Their hands quickly rip apart from each other's embrace, now staying still and cold at their sides. Caleb would be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit surprised to see Essek calmly writing down something on the desk. It was as if the last few moments had never happened. 

“Caleb, I was wondering- oh.” Nott glances back and forth between Caleb and Essek, sensing the awkward energy in the room. She looks suspiciously at Essek for a moment, tapping her fingers on the door. “Hey Essek, I didn’t know you were here.” Her eyes land back towards Caleb, this time looking more concerning. “Sorry, Am I interrupting something? I can come back later if necessary.”

“Ah-” Caleb hasn't had any time to process the last twenty seconds. Every thought that was neatly in order was now all over the place a short amount of time. He opened his mouth to answer the question but was interrupted by Essek who stood up from his spot, spell book in hand. “No, not at all. We were actually finishing up.” He walks over to Caleb and places a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the goblin who was immediately interested below. “You’ve done a wonderful job today, though your form is still a bit weak. I want to practice more with you tomorrow if that's alright?”

"I- uh…" Caleb tries to not glace towards Nott, knowing how curious she is right now about what's going on between them. "Y-yeah…" He swallows down a lump that was stuck in his throat. A half attempted smile stretches across his face. " _ Ja,  _ that would be fine."

"Wonderful." Caleb watches Essek walking out the door, only looking away when he realizes he's been staring long enough to catch Nott's attention . "Then I shall be off, I have other businesses to attend to." 

Without looking back Essek walks away, floating down the steps when he gets close enough to the door. 

"Sooo…" Nott chimed in after a few moments of silence once she knew Essek was gone. "That was strange of him. He didn't say anything to you did he?"

" _ Nien. _ " Caleb would've been lying if he said that he wasn't annoyed by Nott's horrific timing. He mourned for those last few seconds before Nott walked in. "I think...it was something that I said." 

He wondered what Essek was going to say.


End file.
